


barely enough

by fabulousfairytales



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: 17x02 divergence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Constipation, Fix-It, Internal Conflict, M/M, Making Out, bc wtf was that clusterfuck, supply closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulousfairytales/pseuds/fabulousfairytales
Summary: Re-write of the supply closet scene in 17x02. This time Nico and Levi talk a little bit.
Relationships: Nico Kim/Levi Schmitt
Comments: 20
Kudos: 113





	barely enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back!! I just checked and the last time I posted anything Grey's related here was in mf january!! wtf! Anyways, I didn't expect Grey's to inspire me enough to write a whole ass thing this quickly, but here we are. :)

Nico’s been staring at the door for a while before making his way over. There was the possibility that his suggestion would blow up in his face, but these times were crazy anyways. Would it even make a difference if Levi hated him? Maybe he’d even do him a favor so he could stop caring for Nico.

Or maybe Levi agreed and that way Nico could finally be with him again to some capacity. Feel his soft skin and hear him say his name in that soft, soft voice that he missed hearing. Nowadays there is barely any warmth left in his voice. And Nico doesn’t blame him for it. He’s been awful to him, he knows that.

And Levi _did_ deserve more. He _did_ deserve someone who could openly tell him how much he’s loved. And how happy they are to be with him. To have family dinners one day and just _be_. Openly and with no hesitation.

Nico wished so badly that he could give Levi all that, but he just couldn’t. And stringing him along while he was trying to figure out his shit was not fair to Levi.

Maybe the thing he was about to propose to him wasn’t fair to either of them and it will ruin the last remaining glimmer of hope that would allow them to work things out eventually.

But right now, Nico didn't want to think about the future. His longing to be close to Levi had overshadowed any thought. Nothing else mattered.

Nico pushed down the handle and opened the door to the supply closet that Levi had disappeared into just a few minutes ago.

“Not sure what you’re looking for, but we probably don’t have it,” Levi said as Nico entered the room, quickly turning away to avoid Nico’s gaze.

He wasn’t wrong. Supplies have been short. They’ve been re-using masks and the last shipment didn’t contain a single one. Nico’s heard about Koracick’s breakdown, and honestly, he didn’t blame him. It was frustrating.

But right now, the supplies were the furthest thing on his mind. Right now, he was consumed by the possibility of being able to hold Levi in his arms again. To slip his hands under his scrubs to help him take them off and to then toss them onto the floor as his hands find their way back to Levi’s hips, pulling him closer until his body was pressed against his own.

“What are you doing?” Levi asked as Nico started walking towards him, carefully stepping backwards to keep the distance.

“Look, I was a terrible boyfriend. And I get it if you say no, but my thing is just that you need some stress relief. While I couldn’t provide you with the love and affection that you deserved, I can provide you with that.”

“Stress-relief?” Levi came to a stop. He let the supplies fall to the ground and ripped his mask off his face, stuffing it into his pocket as he watched Nico in disbelief. 

“Are you serious?”

Shit. He was pissed. Nico has never witnessed Levi talking this calmly but he could imagine that a furious Levi would exactly talk like this. And it terrified him.

Not because he was afraid of what an angry Levi would do, but because it might mean that he just fucked himself over and obliterated any leftover chance for reconciliation.

“Levi -” Nico started, but Levi shook his head, interrupting him.

“Is that all that I am to you now? Stress relief?” Levi laughed bitterly and ran his hand through his hair.

“Did you ever even love me? Or have I always just been somebody to have sex with? Like you wanted us to be in the beginning?”

Fuck. That hurt. That was too much.

Nico, too, took off his mask and shoved it into his pocket, not taking his eyes off Levi. How could he even say that? After everything.

“Do you really think I never...?” He couldn’t even finish his sentence.

He really thought that Nico never loved him. What a slap in his face.

Nico might not be good with words or talking about his feelings like Levi was. But he showed his love through actions. He was there when Levi needed someone to hold him. He was there to listen to his rants and to reassure him when he felt inadequate.

His love was in the way he would look at him. In how he just seeing him would trigger so many emotions, depending on how they were doing.

Sometimes, he would just immediately feel better the second he spotted his boyfriend across the room. His eyes would light up and his breath would hitch, heart beating so fast he thought he was about to lose it, knowing that he wouldn’t have much time left to calm down and return to his calm and collected exterior.

Other times, all he wanted was to just grab his hand and guide him to an empty on-call or storage room. Where he wanted to just take off Levi’s clothes and make him feel like he’s the only person on this planet that mattered. That there was just him and only him.

And then, there were those times when he knew that he could do none of those things. That he had to keep his distance and pretend he was fine, not showing him how much he had missed him. Where he would take his feelings, crush them up into the tiniest pieces and then shove them so far down that they’ll never see the light of day again.

His love was in how he would always find a way to touch Levi when he was near.

To let him know that he was there.

To let him know that he just couldn’t resist him.

To let him know that just being in the same room, being near him, wasn’t enough. It never was.

His love was in the way in which he would show his support for Levi.

In the way that he would always reassure him if he told Nico about his feeling of inadequacy.

In the way that he would always listen to his rants. Whether they were about the terrible, long day he’s had or the fact that his favorite show just killed off a character that Levi had been rooting for for so, so long.

“Well, what am I supposed to think if you don’t say it? You never talk about your feelings.”

“I do.”

Levi huffed out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, when we didn’t talk for two weeks or after I collapsed in the OR after that car crashed into Joe’s,” he snapped.

“What do you want me to say Levi?”

“I don’t know. Just say something, literally anything!”

“But I can’t! I can’t, okay? I can’t give you what you need, so stop pushing me!” Nico burst out and turned away, grasping the metal of the shelves around them so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

What was he supposed to say? Should he just tell him everything he felt that wouldn’t immediately open the floodgates? Could he even do that? Could he even speak without opening the door that he was trying to keep shut so badly for the most time of his life that he could remember?

He wished he could just tell Levi how much he missed him. That he spent most of his evenings alone, feeling sorry for himself, because he broke what they had. That he missed waking up next to the man he loved and that he wished nothing more than to be able to say what he deserved to hear.

“I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. How miserable and alone I feel. How I’ve gotten used to have someone besides me who cares about me and even loves me. And how much I like it. I – I loved you. And I still do. But I can’t give you what you need. I can’t express my feelings with words like you do unless absolutely necessary. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And it’s - it’s really unfair of you to say that.”

Levi furrowed his brow.

“How else am I supposed to know? I can’t read your mind. Honestly, I don’t want to, life is already confusing as it is.”

Nico stepped closer and this time Levi didn’t move an inch.

“I can’t give you big declarations of love. I can’t talk about my feelings like you do. But I can give you reassurance and support when you need it.”

He placed one hand onto Levi’s shoulder and squeezed it gently before letting it glide down and rest on his hip. Then, with his other hand, he gently lifted Levi’s chin.

“Kisses reserved for only you.” His thumb brushed Levi’s lips.

“That’s my way of loving you. But I know that that wasn’t and isn’t enough for you.”

The two kept staring at each other for what felt like an eternity to Nico. It’s been weeks since he’s been this close to Levi. Breathing the same air and touching him instead of just fantasizing about how it would be to hold him in his arms again. To kiss him. To be able to actively love him again instead of just pining from afar.

That was until Levi broke the silence.

“You’re right. It wasn’t enough,” Levi said. He looked away and Nico let go of him. He knew that rejection was a possibility, a very probable one even, so he tried to brace himself for it. And yet, it hit him like a sneak attack from behind.

With a short nod he acknowledged what Levi had just said and turned around to leave this small room that felt like it was shrinking with every single breath he took.

But before he could even go his third step, he felt Levi’s hand grab his’ and firmly pull him back, stopping him from running away again.

“What –”

“I said it _was_ not enough.”

Nico raised an eyebrow. “And now it is?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t know.” He pulled Nico even closer and guided his hand back to his hip before cupping Nico's cheek and quickly pulling him down until their lips met hungrily.

Not long and Levi impatiently removed Nico’s shirt, throwing it onto the floor. His own shirt followed quickly as he pushed Levi against a shelf and went back to kissing his neck.

“This is not a good idea,” Nico muttered against Levi’s collarbone.

“I know,” Levi mumbled, his hand running through Nico’s hair, pushing it back.

Nico stopped to look up at Levi.

“Should we stop?” He asked quietly, knowing they should, but hoping they wouldn’t.

They held their gaze for what felt like an eternity until Levi finally brought up his hand to guide Nico towards his lips.

“No.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed it, I'd be very happy if you left a comment.
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr as [orthoglasses](http://orthoglasses.tumblr.com/)!


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